


Mal Aak

by PrinceofFlowers



Series: Misadventures of Two Dovahkiins [1]
Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Double Dragonborn with a twist, Dragon-like Dragonborn, Eventual Rivalmance, Eventual romance with Scouts/Dovahkiin, Gen, M/M, Mental Disorders, Multi, Other, Platonic Soulmates, Tags will be updated, Transgender man character, gdi Sheogorath, mix of actual game mechanics and realism, not really that serious of a fic, possible future relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-27 14:03:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 10,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10023974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceofFlowers/pseuds/PrinceofFlowers
Summary: A complete rewrite of an old fanfic I wrote.Here we have a trans man named Tesla thrown into Skyrim, with the Skyrim Legendary Edition Game Guide, and will act as A little guide to the main story dragonborn, a Khajiit named J'Daargo.However, J'Daargo isn't the only one with dragon's blood, and things get weird.More so for Tesla, since a lot of the actual game mechanics are in play.





	1. And So It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> This is a clusterfuck that hasn't really been proofread too much nor has any beta reader so feel free to correct a few things, even though this story isn't really a serious one.
> 
> Certain strange mechanics and happenings (and bugs) from the vanilla game come into play.
> 
> This is the main story, I suppose, with off-shoots in this series that will usually be oneshots, or just a few chapters long, with perhaps some cheesy mods referenced.

J'Daargo woke up, finding himself to be in the back of a wagon, hands bound, and surrounded by Nords and one...

Wait.

What the fuck was that one?

He looked over at the passed out man.

Boy?

He looked as pretty as a girl, and looked exceedingly young.

The poor thing was still unconscious, with a bag on his back, and some sort of...things, on his eyes.

His hands were bound, same as everyone else, and he was leaning on a richly dressed Nord man with a gag.

Said man seemed...almost conflicted, as being used as a pillow by this stranger.

J'Daargo turned back to the Nord in front of him.

"Ralof" was written in white in front of him, so J'Daargo assumed that was his name.

Chatty fellow, that one.

The Khajiit turned back to the unconscious man.

Still no signs of stirring yet.

Well, until they hit a rock, jostling him awake.


	2. What's "Death"?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And is it something that you can eat?
> 
> Tesla is awake. No one tell him that he fell asleep on Ulfric Stormcloak yet. 
> 
> Tesla and J'Daargo talk and they become friends in a way, but now it's time to Die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN

Tesla snapped awake, head snapping up and away from the shoulder it was resting on, his dark brown eyes darting here and there beneath his coke-bottle glasses.

He was confused.

This...this looked like Skyrim!

What the fuck?

"Hey there, looks like you're finally awake." He heard Ralof say.

He turned his eyes to the Nord, and noted a familiar Khajiit sitting across from Ralof.

What the fuck?

"How the fuck did I get here?" Tesla wondered out loud, trying to hide how startled he was.

He noted mentally that he was handling things rather well, but blamed it on him probably dissociating again.

It'll probably sink in and knock him on his ass later.

"You got caught in am Imperial ambush." Ralof answered.

"Dunno how I got there." Was Tesla's automatic response.

"This one also wonders how he got caught up in this." J'Daargo added.

"Guess we both don't remember. Ah well." Tesla shrugged off. 

For now, at least.

He had other things to worry about right now.

For starters, him being there set things off- 

Normally, they'd be heading to the chopping block, and Alduin would stop them from chopping the dragonborn's- most likely J'Daargo's, head off.

But Tesla was here.

Not only that, but he had something on him.

Something that he's surprised he still had.

The full Skyrim game guide for the legendary edition.

Surprisingly, it didn't feel like he was carrying much.

He felt like he could carry at least 200 lbs of stuff, actually.

Weird.

He also felt like he knew basic things about stuff he'd never done before, like summoning flames, or healing minor injuries.

And smithing, amongst other things.

Like he thought before.

Weird.

Either way, he and the other prisoners were in Helgen now, and soon they'd be told to get off the wagon and give out their names.

Briefly he wondered if he'd actually die.

He also wondered if he'd even care about dying.

He'd always been suicidal, but now, he wasn't sure.

"Does death not frighten you, little one?" J'Daargo asked, his voice deeper than Tesla expected.

Then again, Tesla also didn't expect him to be about twice the height of anyone in the cart.

He actually was a Cathay-Raht, a jaguar man, massive as a werewolf.

"Dunno, really." Tesla finally replied.

J'Daargo narrowed his eyes at him, seemingly worried at the response given.

"I'm not sure we'll actually die, honestly." Tesla explained, looking upward, halfway dissociating, halfway looking for any possible hint of Alduin returning.

J'Daargo's ears twitched, and he tilted his head.

"What has you so unconvinced of our deaths?" J'Daargo questioned.

"Gut feeling." Tesla replied. "Then again, I've never really understood death, even though I've seen it so often."

"An odd child. Are you touched by the gods?" J'Daargo commented. "Stricken with Sheggorath's gifts and curses?"

Tesla couldn't help but smile and chuckle a bit at this.

Well, Sheogorath was one of his favorite Daedric gods.

"Technically, we all have a bit of the Skooma Cat dwelling within our minds." Tesla noted. "But perhaps I am. Most people call me crazy anyways. Might as well embrace who and what I am."

J'Daargo grinned, his sharp fangs poking out. 

"Good answer." J'Daargo settled. "This one is called J'Daargo. What are you called?"

"Tesla." Tesla answered as the carriage stopped.

Welp.

It was the end of the line.

Tesla felt J'Daargo's body heat behind him, and his lips quirked upwards.

At least he made a friend so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> J'Daargo is one of the few who is pretty chill with Sheogorath followers. More about that and him later though.
> 
> J'Daargo being a jaguar man is due to my own salt, since in an old interview before Skyrim came out, the Khajiit in the game were referred to as "jaguar men", so I expected Cathay-Raht, but was sadly disappointed.
> 
> So J'Daargo is big.


	3. The Frying Pan is On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit's going down, and Tesla sees death for the first time, amongst other things.
> 
> Like dragon feelings, and pretty much ordering a Jarl that's older than him to do shit.
> 
> Too bad he's too busy trying to survive, otherwise he'd grab some shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN

Things were going as per usual, with everyone being listed.

However, once Hadvar got to Tesla, he looked upon him with confusion.

"Wha- who," he corrected himself. "Are you?"

"Tesla Choe." Tesla answered, using his mother's last name. "If it makes it easy, let's just say that I'm a Nord, since my dad is one."

Well, sort of.

His old man had quite a bit of Swedish blood in him, and that was kind of what Nords were based off of.

He guessed.

Though, he wasn't sure there were any Koreans in Tamriel.

Mentions of Japanese influence, but no Koreans.

Tesla thought of this while Hadvar consulted his captain on what to do about him.

As usual, she chose to just have him killed along with the others.

Hadvar did his usual apology, and while Tesla wanted to sass him, he decided that it was too much effort, and he was too god damn tired for this shit.

The last to be tallied up was J'Daargo, who was also not on the list.

And, if it wasn't obvious, he, too, would be joining Tesla in their supposed execution.

The usual bullshit went down, Tesla only slightly nervous, slightly unsure of what would happen next.

He tried to entertain himself with how tiny Tullius looked compared to Ulfric.

That was something that hadn't changed from the game, amongst other things, like the weird name-thing, and probably the weight and abilities.

Alduin's roar in the distance cut off his train of thought.

Back to the task at hand, which was to watch this redhead get his head chopped off.

It would be the first time Tesla had ever witnessed death with his own two eyes.

Granted, he had seen his grandfather's body, kept alive by the machines hooked to him in the hospital, but that was different.

Tesla knew that his soul no longer dwelled within his body.

His eyes, his strange eyes that he shared with his father, did not see the colors of a soul.

Merely dead, grey wisps of what once was.

This, however, was different.

This redhead's soul was as vibrant as his hair- an eager flame that was extinguished before Tesla's eyes, his head removed from his shoulders with a sickening slice.

And Tesla felt himself fade further into a dissociative state.

He barely heard the dragon's cry, barely heard the Imperial call J'Daargo out next, barely felt the rage that bubbled up at her calling him "the cat".

Barely felt his own blood call out, the roar of the dragon seemingly awakening something that he'd spent his whole life pushing down.

He didn't snap out of it entirely when Alduin landed onto the watchtower, but something overcame him.

He leapt back from the rocks, snarling up at the dragon, but unable to do much, his hands still bound.

Alduin roared, using his Voice to make it rain fire and brimstone, to push back, and breath flames.

Tesla was surprised that he was unscathed, but he felt the heat of the flames, and his ears rang.

Ralof called out to J'Daargo, Tesla was already running into the watchtower, shoving his bound hands towards Ulfric.

"Cut these off." Tesla said, not quite forceful enough to be a demand, but not polite enough to be a request.

Ulfric looked at him oddly, but sliced the bindings off.

"Thanks-" Tesla began, but was cut off when Ralof and J'Daargo joined them inside.

Ralof and Ulfric had their little banter, before they were all ushered upwards through the tower.

Tesla knew what happened next, and stopped short of where Alduin bursts through, almost causing Ralof and J'Daargo to fall from the suddeness.

They were about to protest, when Alduin finally showed up.

Silently, Tesla cursed the dragon in his mind, but all anyone could see was him fiercely glaring at the dragon, teeth bared.

Alduin didn't notice him, and simply flew off.

There was no time for Ralof or J'Daargo to question or thank him, both the Khajiit and Tesla having to jump down.

There wasn't enough room to really roll, and lighten the force of the fall, especially not with the flames, so Tesla grunted from the impact, and the slight burns.

He could smell J'Daargo's fur burning, but luckily he didn't stay on fire, the two jumping out of what might have been an inn at some point.

Strangely, Tesla could already feel himself healing.

As if his health was regenerating.

Weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Choe is pronounced "ch-weh", btw. It's a Korean last name, that's rather common, but that might be expanded on later.
> 
> That, and Tesla's weird soul stuff.


	4. Curiouser and Curiouser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tesla and J'Daargo find themselves in the Keep with Ralof.
> 
> Tesla discovers some weird things along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN

Now they were stuck with Hadvar, who couldn't be bothered to remember either of their names, and instead called them prisoners.

Their little group was stuck hiding while Alduin engulfed some poor sod- probably that kid's father, in flames, and Tesla gagged at the smell of burning flesh.

Later, he'd feel bad at the fact that the boy had to watch his father die before his eyes, but it wasn't like he could do anything.

This town was fucked.

J'Daargo and Tesla hurried forward, leaving Hadvar in the dust, hearing him shout out to "stay close to the wall!", which they did, since Alduin decided to perch himself onto it and bathe an Imperial soldier in flames before he flew the fuck away.

J'Daargo and Tesla then ran through the still-burning remains of what was a house, slightly getting burnt on their way.

Whatever, their health regenerated anyways.

The two ran off, until they were inbetween Hadvar and Ralof, having their little sass off.

"Lets go with Ralof. I wanna kill that captain bitch." Tesla suggested. 

"This one agrees, but wonders how you know all this." J'Daargo said, following Tesla and Ralof into the keep.

"I'll explain later." Tesla promised, before feeling a really weird feeling.

Like time stopped for a second.

He heard the familiar sounds of the game saving, and wondered if that was what just happened.

Did they just...autosave?

Well, there was white text that appeared every time someone spoke, and appeared pretty much on people, revealing their name.

Tesla wondered if everyone could see this, but was too preoccupied to ask.

J'Daargo's hands were free now, and while Tesla was deep in thought, he shook his shoulder.

"What?" Tesla startled back to reality.

Or, whatever the hell this was.

"Will you take this armor, or will J'Daargo take it?" J'Daargo asked. "This one has claws, and can defend himself bare-handed, but you have nothing. Take the axe."

Tesla looked down at the body, and something strange happened.

The fucking inventory bullshit happened.

It was fucking real.

What the fuck?

Tesla reasoned that this might actually make things easier, so he grabbed the axe, equipped it, and tossed off his backpack, before putting it into his inventory.

Where his inventory actually was, he had no god damn idea.

It was like some pocket dimension bullshit.

Like some Harry Potter spell was put on his pockets so he could fit everything AND the kitchen sink in them.

Tesla, partially because he was curious, was about to lace the armor for J'Daargo, when the Khajiit insisted that he wear it, since J'Daargo's "hide is tougher than a smooth-skin".

So Tesla put the armor in his inventory, along with the boots (with the fur) (with the fur), and the gauntlets.

And equipped those.

And sure enough, just like how it was in-game, they just appeared onto his body, with his previous attire automatically being stored into his inventory.

Apparently the only "heavy" thing he had been wearing was his leather jacket. The rest barely weighted 1lb according to the inventory.

J'Daargo looked him over, nodding approvingly while Tesla briefly wondered how the fuck the armor fit him decently.

It wasn't a perfect fit, but it didn't visibly look like it was too big or too small for him.

Just like in the game, oddly enough.

He was broken out of his thoughts by the sounds of the Imperials coming.

Well, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah shit Tesla gon kill someone for the first time next chapter.
> 
> Meanwhile, J'Daargo is a dear who wants the smol boy to be safe.


	5. I Don't See Nothin' Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a little skill-grind~
> 
> Tesla makes his first kill, and then proceeds to skill-grind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN

Tesla pulled out his axe, and crouched by the gate, waiting for the Imperials to open it.

The moment the door was opened, he lunged, slashing the axe at the Imperials, catching the captain in the neck.

It didn't kill her yet, however, so he wretched the axe back and swung again.

She blocked, and right as she was about to try her hand at striking back, J'Daargo slammed his fist into her cheek, sending her reeling.

"Now!" J'Daargo bellowed, snapping Tesla back into the fight, where he swung the axe once more, slashing the Imperial's throat open.

She didn't get back up, and Tesla just stood there for a moment, ignoring the fact that his allies had already finished up the other soldier.

He...had just killed someone.

He should feel awful, but he...

Fuck, he liked it.

And honestly that scared him and disgusted him more than anything.

Thankfully, J'Daargo and Ralof took it as the normal fear and disgust people get when they first kill someone.

"First kill?" Ralof questioned, sympathetic.

Tesla nodded mutely, before looking closer at the body before him.

He let the utter lunacy of being able to loot the body with pretty much his mind distract him, taking the key and the armor.

J'Daargo had already taken the loot from the soldier, and had donned it, sword sheathed at his side.

Tesla actually went deeper, to grab the Imperial Light Armor in what must have been the barracks, along with some septims, dropping the Stormcloak armor and the axe, switching out for the better Imperial stuff.

That was when things got bizarre.

Well, more so than usual.

Admittedly, it shouldn't have startled him so much, as he had done it every time he made a new character.

J'Daargo had begun slashing at Ralof until the Nord was on the ground, and would wait until he got back up, his wounds regenerating, before he'd go at it again.

It was a way to grind early on in the game, since you couldn't kill Ralof in the beginning, and he wouldn't attack you back.

But it was still unnerving and almost sickening seeing it in person.

Even worse, when Tesla decided, "fuck it", and joined in.

Funny, he heard the same noises he would hear while playing the game whenever he leveled up.

The perks worked the same, too.

Briefly, he inquired what J'Daargo was putting his points to, without even thinking about it.

"Mostly stamina and health." J'Daargo answered. "Maybe one or two to magic. The perks go to one handed, maybe sneaking, though J'Daargo will probably save them for later."

Then, as if realizing something. "What does J'Daargo mean? What is this and what are we doing?" 

Ralof didn't really answer, except for the usual "I'm on your side!" and "Let's get that gate open!", which was also odd.

In general, this was odd, but Tesla wasn't going to question it at the moment.

Both he and J'Daargo had a few levels to jump up to before they headed out.

Though, Tesla could only wonder whether or not Ralof would actually remember this, and hate them for it.

That, and if things could get any stranger.

Which, they probably could.

They actually will, but for now, Tesla was left unaware.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the fuck is even Skyrim
> 
> What the fuck even is this fic
> 
> Also what the fuck even is Tesla what is wrong with this child


	6. Tell Us Your Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J'Daargo and Tesla skill grind before moving on.
> 
> Maybe next chapter these fucking idiots can get to Riverwood.

Once they were roughly level 7, the two seemed to have gotten bored of their constant slashing of poor Ralof, and decided to go on with their journey out of Helgen.

Tesla checked the sacks before they left, taking the salt piles from one, and leaving the cabbages in the other.

The trio tore through their foes, taking items left and right before they got to the torture chamber.

Tesla didn't expect it to smell so horribly of death and decay and suffering.

He noted that the torturer's soul was a disgusting mix of murky colors, and took great pleasure in killing the bastard.

He allowed himself to take that pleasure, without being hindered by feelings of guilt.

How can he be bad when he just killed someone literally rotten to their core?

Tesla ignored what was being said, in favor of taking whatever items he could.

Including the lockpicks that were in the knapsack, along with the Dragonborn book.

He never really knew why he always took that book, just that he did.

"Do you know how to pick locks?" J'Daargo asked him, pulling him from his thoughts.

"N-no?" Tesla was unsure.

In game, yeah, he knew.

But in real life, he had no clue.

However, considering how things have been- the game-saving, the skill-grinding, etc., it might be the same

"Try." J'Daargo pressed.

So Tesla got to work, finding out that yes, it's the exact same now as it is in game.

He didn't even break one lockpick, either!

Triumphantly, he grabbed the loot inside, and hurried along, J'Daargo stopping to pick the locks of a few cells so he could pocket the money in them.

Tesla zoned out a bit at this point, ignoring the banter of the Stormcloak soldiers until they reached a certain point.

They were getting close to enemies.

Tesla slowed down, and grabbed J'Daargo's arm, motioning for him to bend down so he could whisper.

"Be ready. There's enemies up ahead. Also some like. Oil on the ground at some point. Where the archers will be standing." Tesla informed.

J'Daargo looked down at him, questionably.

"You still have not explained how you know these things." He whispered back, brow furrowed.

"I'll explain once we're out of here." Tesla promised, big eyes staring up at the Khajiit.

J'Daargo stared a bit longer, before sighing in defeat.

"This one will let it be for now, but there will be answers later." J'Daargo relented before preparing himself for battle.

Tesla prepared as well, though his brow was furrowed with worry.

How was he supposed to explain himself, exactly? 

And how would his tampering change things?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


	7. I've Got a Madgod in my Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoops I lied they don't make it to Riverwood yet.
> 
> Tesla has a mental conversation with Sheogorath.
> 
> It's probably all the Madgod's fault.
> 
> What a prick.

The next batch of enemies was rather easy to take down, especially after Tesla shot some fire at the oil beneath the archers.

That, and the Imperials seemed too focused on the giant cat man and the Stormcloaks to bother with Tesla, allowing him to slip by and kill off the archers.

Who he then looted.

Well, he saved some arrows and a bow for J'Daargo.

Make things easier for them both.

And, as usual, somehow Tesla knew the basics of how to use the damn thing.

Fucking weird as hell.

Or, Oblivion, technically.

Sheogorath?

Tesla could swear that the moment the Daedric prince's name came to mind, he heard mad laughter.

Well, perhaps his answers would lie with the Madgod himself.

Or not, considering who the fuck we're talking about.

Yet again, Tesla was pulled from his musings by J'Daargo.

"Anything this one should know about?" He asked.

"Giant spiders. Sneak, to get rid of most of them with the bow first." Tesla answered.

"Most?"

"Ceiling." 

J'Daargo still looked a bit confused, but went along with it anyways as Tesla ran around grabbing gold and potions before they reached the spider cave.

A few arrows and dead spiders later, J'Daargo knew what Tesla meant by, "Ceiling.".

"Why does Skyrim have to have giant spiders?" J'Daargo groaned unhappily, plucking some web out of his fur.

"I don't know, my dude." Tesla grumbled back, rubbing off a few web stuck to him.

Disgusting. He hated the feeling of web on him.

Made his skin crawl.

Drove him mad.

Wait, what?

More mad laughter in his head.

Tesla scowled, before continuing on, taking what loot he could.

"Are we almost out of this place?" J'Daargo asked.

"After the bear, it won't be long." Tesla answered before dropping into a crouch after taking a few bottles of mead and the iron helmet.

Just as J'Daargo was going to ask what he meant, Ralof pointed out the bear, and gave him an extra bow and arrows.

Which were used to stealthily kill the bear.

Now, Tesla was interested into what would happen with skinning it.

Would the body appear skinned? Would they be able to take the meat?

He was curious to how it would taste, even though many have said it was too greasy or tough.

Waste not, want not, and all that jazz, though.

He walked to the bear corpse, ripped the arrow out of its socket.

The loot function seemed to still work, but there was an option for the bear meat along with the pelt and claws, which he was grateful for.

Once he was finished, in the place of the bear corpse was some skinned and butchered remains.

Huh.

Anyways.

Tesla was about to leave, until J'Daargo grabbed him, his massive paw-like hand engulfing his shoulder entirely.

"Give this one the loot. You cannot carry so much." He suggested, though it sounded more like a very gentle command.

Tesla shrugged, and did as asked.

Looked like the trade items thing he'd do with companions, which made as much sense as anything else here did.

More mad laughter.

Great.

Tesla carried on, just glad to be getting out and finally heading to Riverwood.

He was mostly in his own thoughts, zoning out, only to be thrown back into consciousness when J'Daargo pulled him to his chest and crouched behind a boulder with Ralof, hiding from Alduin.

Ah yes, a face full of big bara cat titties.

Exactly what he wanted.

Well, he wasn't complaining too much.

Tesla stayed put, waiting for J'Daargo to let him go before he stood up and looked around.

It would be about nightfall by the time they'd get to Riverwood.

He walked around, picking flowers and other alchemical ingredients as Ralof talked about them parting ways or some shit.

Fat chance, big guy.

Ain't no way Tesla was gonna turn his nose up to free food, a free bed, or a possible bath.

"We will accompany the Nord to this village, yes?" J'Daargo inquired after killing and skinning a fox.

"Yeah. His sister will feed us and let us squat up at her house." Tesla confirmed.

"Then you will explain how you know all of this to J'Daargo then." He said, his tone clearly implying that there was no escape from this.

Tesla sighed, and nodded.

Great.

How was he going to explain this, exactly?

Without sounding insane, that is.

More mad laughter, and finally, the Madgod spoke to him.

'Why so scared to admit what ya are?' He taunted. 'Afterall, yer furry friend here is a Khajjit! He'd accept it if ya fessed up ya bein' a follower of me, Sheogorath! Or, as his people call me, Sheggorath! The Skooma Cat! HA! He's immune to the stuff, ya know? Still does it sometimes! Same with moonsugar!'

Well, that was a bit of a relief.

He thought.

And hoped.

And dreaded after hearing more mad laughter in his head.


	8. Finally at Riverwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinda boring chapter, but we're finally at Riverwood.
> 
> Next chapter, J'Daargo finally asks the big question, and hopefully gets a god damn answer.

They picked flowers, caught butterflies and bees, killed some poor fox who ran in front of them, killed off a wolf pack, and chose their guardian stones.

J'Daargo chose the Warrior.

Tesla chose the Thief.

They both laughed at the irony, and the expression Ralof made, before carrying on.

And they were finally there.

Riverwood.

Tesla looted as he made his way to the lumber mill, ignoring the eyes on him.

He also grabbed an axe for chopping wood.

He would have gone further, but J'Daargo stopped him by engulfing his shoulder with his massive paw of a hand.

"Should J'Daargo be present or sell some of this loot?" He asked.

"Maybe... Maybe stay along." Tesla answered. "Might help if Ralof's folks know who's here."

J'Daargo nodded his head in understanding, and the two sat in on the conversation, only interacting when spoken to.

Though, mentally, Tesla thought of how ridiculous it was that Gerder thought he and J'Daargo were Stormcloaks as well-

They were even wearing Imperial armor.

Ah well, questions for another time.

For now, J'Daargo and Tesla had shit to sell.

"Still don't get why she gave us this." Tesla pointed out, lifting up a gold necklace to show to J'Daargo.

"Keep it, sell it." J'Daargo shrugged off. "Whatever you decide." 

Tesla equipped the necklace.

He'd keep it for now.

Get a head start on his hoard.

Everything else got sold, with all the hides and pelts being turned into leather to craft leather armor.

Well, they talked to Alvor first.

Got free iron and leather from the man, which they used to make more shit.

They had also, ah, acquired, a saber tooth pelt from Gerder, which was also used to make mostly complete sets of leather armor for them both.

Leather armor that was equippted, replacing the Imperial armor, which was later sold.

They were doing pretty well, but J'Daargo hadn't forgotten all the strange occurrences, and it had finally calmed down enough for him to question Tesla.

Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


	9. I'm Keeping It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very short bit where J'Daargo somewhat gets his answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda Garbo but whatev

"So," J'Daargo began, arms crossed as he leaned casually on a wall, effectively cornering Tesla. "Talk. How do you know all of the things that happened?"

"Well..." Tesla trailed off, not quite sure how to explain it.

"You mentioned the Madgod, hm?" J'Daargo reminded. "Were you sent by him to cause chaos? Was that dragon his doing-your doing?"

"No!" Tesla exclaimed. "No, that would have happened anyways. Skyrim's going to shit anyways- Sheogorath or not. I mean,"

Fuck, how was he supposed to explain this?

"I think he sent me here?" Tesla questioned. "I...I hear his voice sometimes. I don remember how I got here. I just woke up in the back of that wagon."

"Resting your head on Ulfric Stormcloak's shoulder." J'Daargo reminded, much to Tesla's horror.

J'Daargo laughed, seeming to ease up, uncrossing his arms and straightening himself out before reaching a massive hand over to ruffle Tesla's hair.

'Such a short mane.' He thought. 'And such a tiny thing. Still looks like a girl or a very young boy. His smell is...odd.'

"J'Daargo believes you." He stated, finally, watching as the boy slumped with relief. "This one believes that you are useful to keep around. You will travel with J'Daargo, hmm?" 

"Might as well." Tesla agreed, somewhat helplessly. 

More mad laughter in his head soured his expression.

Fuck off, Sheo.

This is your damn fault.

Fucker.

He only laughed harder.

Dammit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


	10. Getting Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tesla and J'Daargo prepare to head out of Riverwood and to Whiterun.
> 
> Hopefully this doesn't take fifty goddamn chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bleh.

"You shall guide J'Daargo, yes?" The Khajiit asked as he chopped some wood.

"Yeah, but I think we should just chill for a bit. Wait til morning to head off to Whiterun, yeah?" Tesla answered, holding some fire wood.

J'Daargo agreed, the two heading towards Gerder to sell the firewood.

Well, most of it.

Earlier, when no one was looking, J'Daargo had stolen some of Alvor's steel and iron ingots, and planned to craft some arrows.

Tesla helped, and the two were now decently stocked on arrows for now.

Tesla would head to Solitude with J'Daargo later to get a shitton of steel arrows via the guard who'd just shoot arrows at a target.

But for now, this would do.

This, and the new bows they crafted, which were slightly better than the garbage they had before.

Ah yes, simple imperial bows, and steel swords.

Tesla missed his Dragonbone weapons.

Wait.

Maybe they had some console commands?

Well, maybe not yet.

Tesla had made J'Daargo on his shitty old 360, had gone through the usual bullshit without console commands like on PC.

For now, he'd go it vanilla.

Now, he had to figure out how to get to the damn Pelagius farm fast enough to land hits on that damn giant, or Aela would sass them.

Tesla didn't like it when Aela sasses him.

It scared him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


	11. Trans man in Tamriel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J'Daargo finally realizes that Tesla is a trans man.
> 
> The two are fixing to leave Riverwood, but not before causing some drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mixture is random but for the sake of this fic it's a Thing.
> 
> As is J'Daargo being somehow Really Fucking Skilled At Making Potions Sort Of.

There was still something...off, about Tesla, if you'd ask J'Daargo.

His features, his scent-

Wait.

"This one had no idea soft skins were like that as well!" J'Daargo exclaimed suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Tesla questioned, nervously. 

J'Daargo leaned closer.

"You don't have a penis, do you?" He whispered. "You have something...else." 

Tesla was speechless and wasn't sure how to proceed.

"Don't worry, this one does not judge." J'Daargo assured. "We have men like you in Elsweyr. J'Daargo's little brother is much like you."

The tension in Tesla left, as he let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh thank fuck." He breathed, much to J'Daargo's amusement.

"Well, this one best get to work, then." J'Daargo, stated, patting Tesla on the back. "There aren't many ingredients here, and this one will have to buy the rest from a caravan, but this one can at least make you a potion to conceal your scent."

"Thank you." Was all Tesla could really say as the Khajiit left him standing there, off to go use the Alcemist table in the inn.

Tesla followed him shortly, but not before he ended up talking to Faendal about Camilla.

He never really cared for that mission- both Sven and Faendal weren't really great companions anyways.

Not like he ever really used companions.

Perhaps he could change things around now.

Tesla approached J'Daargo, who had finished brewing the potion.

"Take this potion every 12 hours to change your scent." J'Daargo instructed. "It is made with Abacean Longfin, Mora Tapinella, Luna Moth Wing, and some Honey, to make it go down easier."

That didn't make any sense, but neither did drinking a potion to hide his scent.

Either way, he gladly accepted it, and decided to drink it.

It wasn't the best thing he'd had, but he could tolerate it.

"This one got something from Sven." J'Daargo mentioned, pulling out a letter. "To give to Camilla."

Tesla got an idea, and smirked.

"Wanna cause some drama before we leave?" Tesla asked.

J'Daargo grinned as well, agreeing with a rumbling chuckle and a flick of his tail.

"Sounds like a plan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


	12. Slaying a Giant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tesla and J'Daargo are on their way, and run into a few folks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine the caravans to be much bigger in rl. This fic is still a weird mix of semi-realistic, and in-game.

J'Daargo and Tesla left Riverwood laughing.

They both presented the letters to Camilla, who then hunted down the two responsible before proceeding to roast their entire existences.

They didn't get paid, but they did get a laugh.

And a kiss from Camilla.

Which was okay, they supposed.

J'Daargo wasn't picky- boys and girls were fine.

Tesla was still...unsure.

Either way, they were leaving Riverwood, and going off to Whiterun.

But, more importantly, the farm.

"We gotta save here, before making a rush to the farm. There's a giant there, and we gotta get a hit in before it goes down or a lady will call us wimps." Tesla explained.

"Bows?" J'Daargo asked after killing and looting a lone wolf. 

"Yes." Tesla answered, getting his ready and saving before they rushed down to shoot the damn giant.

Took them two reloads to finally get it right.

They then walked leisurely towards the three people surrounding the dead Giant, Tesla casually downing a minor health potion.

Aela did her little dialogue, but Tesla was more concerned with the big, hulking Nord man behind her.

Farkas.

He was often referred to in game as being massive, but this?

Wow.

He was at least 6'7, and bulky as hell, his silvery eyes looking down at him.

"You look strong." He stated, surprising those around him. "Come to Jorrvaskr, and be a companion." 

"This scrawny little thing? He's just a boy." Aela brushed off. 

"I'm at least 20." Tesla defended.

All eyes were on him now, all surprised.

"You have aged well, then. This one thought you were maybe 14." J'Daargo commented.

Tesla narrowed his eyes, glaring up at the Khajiit.

"Wow, thanks." He said sarcastically before stomping off.

Farkas' eyes lingered on his retreating form, before Aela called him out of his daze, the three companions headed back to Joorvaskr as J'Daargo followed Tesla.

"Aw, are you mad, Tesla-ma?" J'Daargo cooed teasingly.

"I know what that means don't you tease me." Tesla hissed.

J'Daargo only laughed.

Tesla ignored him, looting the barrels on the farm and harvesting the crop.

Luckily, that farmer bastard was there, so he just sold the crops to him.

"Anyways, that Aela was quite lovely, and quite spirited." J'Daargo continued. "Smelled like dog, though. So did the Nord man who spoke to you."

Tesla thought about telling him that they were werewolves now, but decided not to.

Not yet, anyways.

"Maybe they have a dog?" Tesla wondered aloud.

"You're a terrible liar." J'Daargo said. "You know something."

"I'll tell you later." Tesla brushed off.

J'Daargo sighed, letting it go for now.

They headed towards Hommingbrew Mead, and took all the booze they could find before finally heading up towards Whiterun.

Now, in game, the Khajiit caravans are very small, but for some reason, here, they were...

Amazing.

There were many tents set up outside of Whiterun, with Khajiit of all kinds selling their wares.

Spices, woven blankets, potions, pelts-

More venders than before, and more variety.

It was amazing, and Tesla regretted not having more coin to spend there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


	13. Some Dank Ass Herbs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J'Daargo and Tesla stop by the kickass Khajiit caravan to buy some dank ass herbs and spices because Skyrim food seems bland as hell, and I decided that the Khajiit have trans shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me padre for I have sinned

There were every sort of Khajiit that you could name-

From the massive, fierce Pahmar-raht, to the tiny Alfiq.

There were numerous tents, but not just tents that were simply covered in furs and pelts.

No, they were a burst of color, with thick, woven blankets and quilts of bright colors and eye-catching patterns.

Even the tarps that they had set up above the tents weren't simply plain.

It was like a breath of fresh air in comparison to the usual dullness of the Nord villages.

There was a lot more to do and get here, as well.

There were tents devoted to giving piercings, and others where you'd get tattoos.

The scent of sugars and spices filled the air, some from cooking pots and spits, others from spice vendors.

It was amazing.

J'Daargo immediately made himself at home, speaking freely in his native tongue as he mingled with the crowd.

Thankfully, he remember to keep a hold of Tesla's hand, so that they wouldn't lose one another.

He led Tesla to what seemed to be an apothecary run by an elderly Khajiit woman.

She and J'Daargo spoke for a bit, before she handed him a few potions and alchemical ingredients, along with a few recipes, in exchange for gold.

A lot of gold.

"Is that...?" Tesla questioned, peering down at the items before they vanished into J'Daargo's inventory.

Funny how that worked, but now wasn't the time to dwell on that.

"Do not worry your little head about it, Tesla-ma." J'Daargo brushed off, ruffling Tesla's hair with his massive paws.

Rather, one of them.

Tesla had a surprisingly small head, but he was rather small, especially compared to J'Daargo, who was about the size of a werewolf.

"Don't call me that." Tesla grumped. "I'm an adult, plus I'm not even a virgin." 

J'Daargo let out a wheezing laugh, and Tesla had the feeling that he wouldn't stop calling him that.

Bastard.

Anyways, Tesla decided that he might as well see about buying some spices.

Hopefully they have some similar to home, so he could cook up something tasty.

Turns out, they did, and he spent nearly all of his gold on herbs and spices.

Cause he remembered how Skyrim Cooking usually was, and it was bland as hell.

In this sort of cold weather, he'd need something spicy to keep a fire in his gut.

That, and spicy food tasted better anyways.

"Hey, J'Daargo? Do you like spicy food?" Tesla asked.

"Almost as much as this one likes sweet food, which means yes, J'Daargo loves spicy food." J'Daargo answered, looking very interested in what Tesla bought.

"Sweet, cause Nord food looks bland as hell." Tesla stated, much to J'Daargo's amusement.

The two then decided that they were ready to go into Whiterun, and bid the caravan farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


	14. What a Strange Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farkas thinks about the man he just met.
> 
> He might be a lil gay for him tbh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like maybe there should be some chapters devoted to the pov of characters other than J'Daargo or Tesla or like. Narrator.
> 
> So here we have a test chapter of Farkas- let me know what you think! 
> 
> Is it good, bad? Should I do more chapters like this, or should I continue with shenanigans?

Farkas couldn't stop thinking about the young man he had encountered during that fight.

Sure, there was the massive Khajiit who towered over him, but the young man traveling with him?

He was a real pretty boy, and he looked way different than anyone he had ever met.

It was mostly in his eyes, how they were shaped.

The closest he'd ever seen to that were in elves, but he didn't smell anything like an elf.

In fact, his scent was rather odd.

He almost smelt like something was dampening his scent, but there was no purfumed oils that Farkas could smell.

Either way, something about him screamed strength.

His spirit, his body, his mind.

They all radiated the sort of strength that demanded respect.

Even Farkas, big and powerful himself, would roll over and bare his neck to the much smaller man.

Then again, despite everything, Farkas had a tendency to roll over anyways.

He was big, yes, but his heart was big as well.

Most of the inner circle of companions knew it.

He was sometimes far too kind.

However, he wasn't completely a pushover.

Oh, no- he was still a companion.

He was still strong, and he wouldn't let people step over him at all.

Aela could poke her fun- she was his shield-sister and packmate.

Villas was his little brother, whom he'd never hurt and always protect, while Skjor and Kodlak were elders, who had taught him and raised him since he was young.

If anyone else were to mouth off to him, they'd meet his fist.

He wasn't rolling over easily.

But that young man, with those dark, dark eyes...

He wouldn't mind rolling over if it was to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


	15. Bar Fights and Break Ins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tesla and J'Daargo enter the Bannered Mare, and make decisions.
> 
> Uthgerd becomes the Broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest in fucking pieces Uthgerd.
> 
> You neve fucking go home so your house belongs to Tesla and J'Daargo.

Now, here comes an interesting place-

The Bannered Mare.

Interesting, because of a certain warrior woman betting 100 gold for a good fist fight.

J'Daargo easily took her up on her bet, and the two went at it.

Obviously, J'Daargo easily won.

Apparently he knew a lot of Khajiit martial arts, which looked a lot like kung fu.

Tesla thought that'd be the end of the fights with her.

Until she asked him for one, scoffing at his appearance, seemingly hoping for an easy fight to soothe her wounded pride.

Either that, or she drank too much.

Either way, Tesla grinned, and took her on.

Sure, he was lighter, and shorter than her, but he did take Takwondo classes.

His uncle was a master, after all.

He came out of that 100 gold richer.

He was about to turn to J'Daargo, and tell him that they should probably get going, but saw that he wasn't in the inn anymore.

He went to the barkeep/inn owner, and asked her where he went.

"Think he went to go chop up some wood for the fire." She answered, scrubbing a mug.

Tesla thanked her, and headed out, immediately spotting J'Daargo chopping some wood.

"Good idea; she'll let us take p much anything from her inn after selling those to her." Tesla commented, waiting his turn. "Also, we could pick the lock of that Uthgerd lady's house and use it as a temporary base of operations until we buy our own house."

"Sounds good to J'Daargo." J'Daargo said after one final swing. "Can you tell this one how much that will cost us?" 

"6800 gold, I believe." Tesla answered after a brief pause. "If you count all the furnishings, that is. Otherwise it's just 5000 for the house itself. Though, I'd prefer if I had at least 9000 gold on hand before I buy it."

J'Daargo nodded in agreement, moving so that Tesla could start chopping some wood.

"It will be difficult to get that much." J'Daargo commented.

Tesla only chuckled. 

"Not for me, it isn't." Tesla replied. "Don't worry about coin, J'Daargo. If there's one thing I know how to do, it's how to make a metric fuckton of money." 

J'Daargo laughed, his massive paw patting Tesla's back, almost sending him face first into the ground.

"This one will trust you to have the financial savvy of an Imperial." J'Daargo decided.

Tesla grinned back at him, finally done chopping some wood.

The two then headed back into the Bannered Mare together, to cash in on the firewood.

Later, they'd break into Uthgerd's house and make their battle plans.

They had a lot of adventuring to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


	16. Dancing With Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tesla and J'Daargo continue on their quest, and meet a certain Fool of Hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all it's been a while. Hopefully I can get more out soon- got a lot of ideas.
> 
> Decided to scrap the Farkas tag, for reasons that will be properly explored later.
> 
> Cicero, too, will be properly explored later, and there will either be future chapter devoted to his POV, or separate one-shots in the Mal Aak series of it.

J'Daargo and Tesla got up at a decent hour the next morning, and ate a bit while discussing how to proceed.

"This one wishes to get it over with, and meet with this "Jarl"." J'Daargo voiced as he absentmindedly flipped through a book.

"I kinda also wanna travel around, you know? Map out more of the land, earn money." Tesla added, remembering a certain jester.

He really wanted to do the Dark Brotherhood questline- it was his favorite.

Wonder if he'd become the Listener, or if J'Daargo would?

"Perhaps we can see the Jarl, then travel before tending to whatever task he would undoubtedly have for us." J'Daargo suggested.

Tesla agreed, and that was that.

They finished up eating, and headed up to the Dragonsreach, where the usual song and dance occurred.

They ended up getting some Steel Armor from Balgruuf, which was pretty good- they could sell it for decent coin since neither of them used Light Armor.

And then they talked to Farengar.

Holy shit.

J'Daargo fucking hated him immediately, and Tesla couldn't really blame him.

Even so, they had to keep it together, and do whatever mission they've been handed.

As a kindness to J'Daargo, Tesla took on the Frost Salts mini quest from the insufferable mage, and soon, J'Daargo and Tesla made their way back down, with J'Daargo seething and ranting in rage about the mage.

"As if J'Daargo is lesser than him! Pathetic soft-skinned, foul-smelling ape of a man! J'Daargo wants nothing more than to tear him apart!" J'Daargo ranted.

Tesla rubbed his back comfortingly, nodding in agreement.

"And sending you out on some little errand! As if you were some dirty street urchin!" J'Daargo continued.

"At least this will get me paid in potions. We'll also be able to take certain items from this lady, too. Useful, since she's the Alchemist." Tesla brought up, which seemed to soothe J'Daargo's fury a bit.

"This is good." J'Daargo agreed. "Potions are important."

They were making their way to the alchemist's shop when they ran into a little girl. 

The orphan girl.

Tesla wasn't sure how to interact with her- he didn't know much of children.

J'Daargo, however, was.

He knelt down, and spoke to her gently, offering her some coin, and asking her a few questions while Tesla stood by, awkwardly smiling.

Soon, she had run along, and the two were back on their way to the Alchemist.

"Tesla-ma is the youngest, isn't he?" J'Daargo teased, looking very much like the cat who swallowed the canary.

"Oh, shut up." Tesla grumbled. "I'm just afraid of saying the wrong thing to kids. They're so impressionable. It's a lot of pressure!"

"J'Daargo believes that you are the cub of your family." J'Daargo stated.

"Yes, yes. I am the baby of the family." Tesla confessed after sighing. "Rub it in all you want."

J'Daargo just laughed as the two walked into the Alchemist's store, where Tesla handed over the salts, got some potions, then proceeded to grab all the ingredients he was allowed to take.

They'd probably steal some more later, but there was a place Tesla wanted to go to, first.

"Let's just travel along the road, map out a few nearby locations." Tesla suggested.

J'Daargo agreed, and the pair was off, first fast-traveling to the Meadery, to make the journey swift.

They got lucky, and on the road by the Battle-Born farm, they met those drunks, who Tesla offered mead to in exchange for a charmed necklace.

Fuck yeah, extra carry weight.

"So this is enchanted so you can carry more shit." Tesla explained to J'Daargo as they walked and picked ingredients. "Do you want it, or will I keep it?" 

"This one does not need it." J'Daargo answers. "J'Daargo is strong, and can carry more than you."

Tesla couldn't help but agree, and equipped the necklace.

Oh wow.

Tesla noticed something different from in-game.

He could apparently wear more than one necklace.

Later, he'd find out just how much jewelry he could wear, but for now, he didn't really have much.

Later, he'd steal a bunch of silver ingots from Dragonsreach and smith a bunch of rings and necklaces to test this out.

As it was, however, Tesla removed the unenchanted gold necklace- it just looked too gaudy to be wearing two.

"Give J'Daargo that one." J'Daargo suddenly said.

Tesla looked at him, surprised, but offered it to him anyways, and he equipped it immediately.

"This one likes to look fancy." J'Daargo explained, and Tesla nodded in understanding.

They continued on in silence, save for the occasional unfortunate fox that ran past them, or the few bandit/wolf attacks that happened close to the watchtower closest to a certain farm.

A grin broke out on Tesla's face as he saw a familiar wagon, and heard the mutterings of a certain Fool of Hearts.

"Oh! Bother and befuddle!" Cicero shrieked. "My mother- my poor mother-! Unmoving. At rest. But too still!"

"Problem?" Tesla asked as he neared the jester, taking in his appearance.

Well, he didn't really study Cicero, but he did glance enough to notice that the jester was a few inches shorter than him, and had a very interesting aura about him.

There was a darkness to it.

A malevolence that, under any other circumstances, Tesla would never trust.

Dark, and thick, like blood oozing from a wound, but there was a definite shine to it, as if glitter had been mixed in.

Red, and peach, and black and brown were the colors of this mad man.

Tesla saw him, felt him, but felt her presence much more strongly.

Cold, and loving.

Beckoning him.

Tesla's own mother was often terrifying to him, for she often beat and belittled him, but this?

This reminded him of the few times his mother had actually been gentle and loving with him.

Times that made him think that she didn't hate him as much as she seemed to.

Only, with the Night Mother, it felt as if this comfort was always the case.

No fear of her turning on him and hurting him, like his biological mother had.

Instantly, Tesla knew where his loyalties would lie.

All these thoughts raced as Cicero explained his situation- words that Tesla was embarrassed to say he knew by heart.

"Is there any way I can help?" Tesla asked.

Cicero laughed his bubbling laugh, clapping his hands and dancing as he was prone to.

"Oh! Oh, yes!" He exclaimed. "Yes, the kindly stranger can certainly help!" 

Cicero went on about what needed to be done, his exclamation of "gleamy, shiny coin!" attracting J'Daargo's attention, and the Khajiit jogged over, freshly slain rabbit in hand.

"Helping out?" J'Daargo questioned, casting a suspicious look towards the jester, before training his eyes back on Tesla.

"Yup." Tesla answered, popping the "p" before he turned his heel to go up to the farm. 

"Come along if you'd like!" He called out over his shoulder.

J'Daargo followed, simply to loot what he could while Tesla convinced Loreius to fix the wheel.

Tesla got the answer he wanted, though he promised himself to show up tomorrow to check if the deed had been done, if he still remained in the hold.

He then made his way back to Cicero to tell him of the news.

By now, Tesla had memorized what Cicero usually says and does when you tell him that Loreius would fix his wheel, but apparently the Fool of Hearts decided to surprise him.

Cicero, jubilant and ecstatic, had grabbed Tesla and began dancing with him.

Tesla, surprised and not really one for dancing, clumsily followed Cicero's steps to e best of his ability, trying not to trip over his own feet, or step on Cicero's feet.

Despite the surprise, Tesla couldn't help but be...delighted, allowing a wide smile to stretch across his face, crinkling his eyes that shone with his mirth.

"Oh, stranger!" Cicero cried out. "You have made Cicero so happy! So jubilant and ecstatic! But more! Even more! My mother thanks you~!" 

At his words, that icy cold comfort returned, soothing, proving the jester's words as truth, and Tesla could only smile dumbly.

At this point, Cicero had stopped dancing with Tesla, but still held one of Tesla's hands, while another went to grab a fat bag of coins that hung on his waist.

"Here, here!" Cicero offered, pressing the bag into one of Tesla's hands. "For your troubles! Shiny, clinky gold! A few coins for a kind deed! And thank you- thank you, again!"

Tesla gave Cicero's hand a gentle squeeze, giving him a gentle smile.

"You're very welcome, Mr. Cicero. I hope that your travels treat you and your dear mother well." Tesla said, his words genuine, his head automatically dipping into a small bow. "Perhaps our paths will, cross again."

Cicero broke out into another fit of giggles.

"Oh, such a kindly, polite stranger you are! To call poor Cicero "Mr."!" He exclaimed. "Oh, what is your name, kindly stranger? Foolish Cicero should have asked sooner- how rude! I hope you can forgive this poor fool."

"Tesla." Tesla answered, though part of him regretted it, since the jester's voice had dipped down low towards the end, his eyes flashing dangerously, as if the Man was speaking instead of the Fool.

"Tesla! Tesla!" Cicero sang, doing a little jig, ending it with a flourishing bow, actually taking his hat off and holding it to his chest as he did so. "Thoughtful and kind! Stranger names for a stranger so utterly divine! Oh ho ho he!"

Tesla wasn't quite sure what Cicero meant by that, but he guessed it might have just been the fool wanting to spin some rhymes, which he could respect.

"I'll see you around, Mr. Cicero." Tesla laughed, feeling J'Daargo's presence close behind him.

"Oh yes! Oh ho yes! Cicero hopes to see the kindly Tesla again some day!" Cicero shouted after him, waving frantically as J'Daargo guided Tesla away.

"Touched by the Skooma Cat." J'Daargo muttered once they were far out of ear shot of the jester.

"Be nice!" Tesla scolded. 

"Will we see that...little man, again?" J'Daargo asked, hesitantly.

"Well, I sure as hell will." Tesla answered. "I'm pretty fond of him."

"He's dangerous." J'Daargo warned.

"He won't hurt me." Tesla promised. "Quite the opposite, in fact. Just trust me, I'll explain later. For now, we have stuff to sell and places to go."

Back to business it was, J'Daargo tucking the jester away in his mind for the time being.

He had an uneasy feeling about that strange man, and he wasn't about to let him slip from his mind anytime soon.


	17. To Riften!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J'Daargo and Tesla go to Riften, and for the first time, they aren't glued to each other's sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck you, Maul or whatever the fuck your name is.
> 
> Fucking trying to shake my ass down.
> 
> He can't handle this booty.
> 
> No one can.

"So, shall we take the carriage to other hold caps so we can fast-travel to them?" Tesla asked J'Daargo as they approached the carriage.

"Riften first." J'Daargo answered.

Tesla nodded, exchanging the coin for the ride.

He couldn't help but snicker as J'Daargo's tail clipped through the carriage as he boarded it.

Normally, this would trigger a loading screen and then they'd be in Riften, but this time, it seemed to take a bit of a scenic route.

Which Tesla absolutely lost his shit over when he realized that they were just mowing over whoever was unfortunate enough to be walking in the way of the carriage.

"Get fucking wrecked, Thalmor fuckers!" Tesla giggled gleefully, much to J'Daargo's amusement.

Unfortunately, their fun didn't last long before they were pulled into a "loading screen".

"J'Daargo the guards at the gate are gonna try to weasel money out of us, and there's a jackass up front who's gonna sass us. His name is Maul, I think? He tries to intimidate us on behalf of the Black Briars. Anyways, there's also the horse guy at the stables? You can fist fight him and he'll let you borrow a horse for free so that's cool." Tesla prattled on, J'Daargo nodding in understanding.

"Should J'Daargo fight this Maul?" J'Daargo questioned, flexing his big, paw-like hands, his claws poking out from his fingers like deadly little blades.

"Nah, I was thinking about just avoiding him very carefully. Unfortunately the gates are always locked so we can't go out back and avoid him the easy way, but whatever." Tesla shrugged off.

Just in case, he'd save beforehand.

It wasn't that he feared that guy, it was just that he didn't feel like wasting his anger and energy on him.

Seriously, fuck the Black Briars.

Tesla couldn't wait until he was strong enough both level-wise and influence-wise to reasonably talk that bitch down.

The only Black Briar he was okay with was the daughter, and even then, she was a psycho bitch.

Tesla wondered if it was just hereditary or if Maven fucked her brother to get such fucked up and weird brats.

Though, he couldn't help but admit that Ingun had the potential to be a Dark Brotherhood asset.

Ha, he was already thinking about rebuilding the organization, and he hadn't even gotten info on Aventus yet.

Perhaps he'd do that later-

He was shaken from his thoughts by J'Daargo, who had finished fist-fighting that horse guy and was about to verbally smack the shitty guards down.

Which was really funny, considering the fact that technically, Khajiit aren't allowed in any cities anyways.

Amazing, how J'Daargo was somehow allowed in any city, despite the fact that he's a Khajiit.

"You ready to run for it, J'Daargo?" Tesla asked.

He nodded.

"Okay, follow my lead, but Save first." Tesla said.

The two saved real quick, before fucking booking it away from Maul, who shouted at them.

Get bent, bitch.

"J'Daargo trusts that you will be able to roam around safely on your own, yes?" J'Daargo asked.

Tesla nodded, already looting some barrels.

Riften always had lots of salt piles and meat.

"Good. Meet J'Daargo in the Inn when you are done." J'Daargo patted his shoulder, and went off on his own.

"I feel like I should have warned him about Bryn." Tesla mused, but then shrugged it off. "Bah! He'll be fine."

He was not fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can u spot a reference to a mod? The carriage one.
> 
> Get fucked, Thalmor.


	18. That Damn Nord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J'Daargo meets Brynjolf, who talks him into joining the Thieves' Guild.
> 
> Tesla has fucked off somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip J'Daargo. 
> 
> He feels so responsible for Tesla.

J'Daargo had to suppress the worry that strained his brow and made his tail twitch in agitation.

He didn't expect to feel like this- Tesla should be fine on his own, right?

Then again, this was Riften.

Home of the Thieves' Guild.

Speaking of which-

He was approached by a red-haired Nord who called him "lad".

"Haven't worked an honest day for all that coin you have, eh, lad?" He asked.

"Maybe. Maybe not." J'Daargo answered, ears laid back and eyes narrowed. "This one does not appreciate the assumption you've made, Nord." 

The Nord, whose name was Brynjolf, if the white text by him were to be believed, chuckled, hands held up.

"I meant nothing by it- not that way, at least." He defended.

J'Daargo had heard that before, though.

"This one is not interested, Thief." J'Daargo hissed.

He didn't have much interest in becoming a stereotype, even if stealing came easy to him.

"If you're so sure, lad. Though I'm certain you wouldn't mind the extra coin with that boy of yours running around." Brynjolf said, a twinkle in his eyes.

Damn him, he was right.

That scrawny little cub definitely needed more coin, especially with the cost of what he was, and while J'Daargo had no doubt that he could make coin on his own, he worried over what that boy would do to get it.

"What. Do you want?" J'Daargo gritted out.

"Now that's more like it!" Brynjolf grinned, happy as a clam.

J'Daargo sighed.

He had a feeling that he was walking into something that he'd later come to regret.

He just hoped that the coin would be worth it.


	19. A Walk in Riften

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tesla has fun plotting the future while gathering supplies and missions in Riften.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic should be called "Local Cat Man Adopts Murder Boy: He Hasn't Slept Since".
> 
> Next chapter these two discuss the future, and also J'Daargo continues to be Tired With Tesla's nonsense.
> 
> Seriously, why can't he be normal and not try to join a cult of assassins?

Meanwhile, as J'Daargo was committing crimes, Tesla was off exploring-collecting meat, salt, and other food items, and grabbing/completing a few side-quests.

Like that one with Sapphire, and Shadr.

Admittedly, gold was more important at the time, but Tesla felt bad for Shadr, and managed to persuade her into letting it go, which got him a level up in Speech, and an invisibility potion.

Might come in handy later.

The other mission he completed was for that pretty Svana Far-Shield lady.

Tesla wasn't one to slut-shame, but he still found it hilarious confronting those men, and later Haelga.

Like???

Bitch, if you're gonna hoe around, at least own up to it.

He also took her shit- she had some weird kinky shit in her bedroom, and also he raided the barrels for more meat and salt.

He next decided to claim the mission from Talen-Jei, simply because he believed that it'd be better that way.

Since he saw J'Daargo sneaking around in the market with Brynjolf, after all.

Of course, Tesla didn't take all of the side missions- he left a few for J'Daargo, but one in particular he himself needed.

The one from Ingun Black-Briar.

He felt the need to do this one personally, since he had plans to later recruit her into the Dark Brotherhood.

After all, she was just the right kind of crazy for the assassin-cult, and her expertise in poisons would definitely come in handy.

That made Tesla wonder- 

Was there an old, abandoned Dark Brotherhood sanctuary nearby? 

One that he could maybe restore in time? 

He hoped so.

He hoped that there were sanctuaries in every major hold, at least- Dawnstar would become crowded otherwise.

However, he couldn't be thinking of the Dark Brotherhood's future before he joined it.

Well, first he needed to complete the mission.

He had gotten word of it in The Bannered Mare first, while J'Daargo was busy.

Tesla debated on whether or not he should do it right away, but was ripped from his musings when J'Daargo had grabbed him and dragged him away to a room that he'd bought at the Bee and Bard.

"Where have you been?!" He snarled, much like a parent when their child had gone off on their own.

"Gathering info, making money." Tesla answered simply. "You?"

And J'Daargo absolutely erupted.


	20. More to Trans Than Transitioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J'Daargo and Tesla have a talk about transitioning and future Dark Brotherhood involvement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Callback to some shit J'Daargo bought a few chapters ago.
> 
> Also a friendly reminder that you don't have to transition in a certain way immediately if you don't want to. You're allowed to decide what you want and what you're ready for.
> 
> Also I might have some one-shot pieces of past ideas for chapters that I decided not to add, or things that happened but weren't fully described.

Tesla patiently sat on the bed and listened as J'Daargo paced and ranted in front of him about his day, waiting for him to finish.

"So, you know that Aventus Arentino kid?" Tesla began once J'Daarho had calmed down.

"No." he said sternly.

"Come on, J'Daargo!" Tesla pleaded.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" J'Daargo shouted. 

"J'Daargo, come on!" Tesla pleaded again. "I gotta do this!"

"It's the Dark Brotherhood, Tesla. They're not good. They murder people." J'Daargo shot back.

"Yeah but if we're members, and if I become the big boss man, then we won't have to worry about them ever coming after us." Tesla pointed out.

That gave J'Daargo pause.

"I'll also join the Thieves' Guild as well, to help out. Then we also won't have to worry about them, either." Tesla added.

J'Daargo grimaced.

"You're right and J'Daargo hates that." J'Daargo admitted after a while.

"So does that mean we can head to Windhelm?" Tesla asked, excited.

"First, we finish up a few Thieves' Guild things. You shall come will J'Daargo, and meet this Brynjolf yourself." J'Daargo said, stern as ever. "Also, a Khajiit caravan will be making camp here tonight. We shall visit them." 

"That reminds me!" Tesla started, finger pointed as he remembered something. "What were those things you got last time, if you don't mind me asking?"

J'Daargo paused, as if trying to remember what it was, before his ears perked up, and his eyes brightened as he recalled what he meant.

"Oh! That?" J'Daargo explained, before taking out the items he bought from the caravan outside of Whiterun. "More recipes for you. Your voice is very high pitched, and you lack the build and hair for a man your age."

Was he talking about Testosterone?

Was that stuff basically the Khajiit version of HRT?

"I...is it permanent?" Tesla questioned, concerned.

J'Daargo picked up on it, and sat down next to him.

"Well, yes." J'Daargo answered. "Is that...wrong?"

"I just...I'm- I don't know, I'm still trying to think things through, you know?" Tesla began to explain. "It's a tough decision for anyone, you know? I have this idea of what I want, but it's not guaranteed to happen, and I don't want to get my hopes up only for them to be crushed if I end up looking and sounding a way I didn't want. I just. I still wanna think about it? I mean I definitely want surgery to have a nice, flat chest so I don't need to bind anymore."

J'Daargo nodded, understanding.

"We will save these for later, when you've decided that this is what you want." J'Daargo stated. "For now, we save up for enchantments, yes? For your voice. And later surgery for your chest."

"They have those?" Tesla asked.

J'Daargo nodded, arm wrapped around Tesla to hug him close, smiling warmly.

It felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and Tesla genuinely smiled, happy.

This was doable.

No gatekeeping doctors, no needles, no constant need to pander to cishets who don't know shit about trans people even though they've been put in charge of their transition and care.

No- this was his decision, his life.

And he was well-supported and loved.


	21. Through the Ratway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tesla And J’Daargo venture forth through the stinking ratway, killing homeless druggies and giant rats as they run through basically the sewers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Year of the Golden Dog, y’all.  
> I’ve been sitting on this chapter for a while, and I’m sorry.

Tesla fixed himself and J'Daargo a hearty meal with the food he'd gathered while traveling around Riften.

"Honestly this stuff tastes best after being left out for a night but it's still pretty good." Tesla stated as he served the beef stew.

"It's good." J'Daargo said between bites.

They were mostly quiet, eating instead of talking.

Tesla didn't speak until he finished eating.

"So I, personally would rather not complete the mission Brynjolf has for you, but I'll help if he and you want me to." Tesla began.

"You eat fast." J'Daargo commented. "Eat more, talk less. You're too skinny for your own good."

Tesla rolled his eyes.

"I'll eat more later. We got stuff to do." He brushed off. "Anyways, should we try and sneak attack the miserable fucks in the Ratways or we just gonna run through, swords out."

"You're shit with a sword." J'Daargo stated. "Maces or axes seem more your style. We should get you one."

"Rude!" 

"J'Daargo tells no lies, Tesla-ma." J'Daargo countered, smirking down at him as he got up, ruffling Tesla's hair as he moved past him.

"M not a kid or a virgin." Tesla grumbled.

J'Daargo just laughed. "Come then! We have some low lives to end."

And he was right- they didn't stand a chance.

Tesla knew the way by heart, and warned J'Daargo when he could.

Well, until the Skeevers showed up.

J'Daargo actually blew their cover from how hard he was laughing at Tesla as he shrieked and skipped away, shooting sparks at them.

"It's not funny!" Tesla shouted, red faced and out of breath.

"It wa amazing." J'Daargo wheezed out.

Asshole.

They continued on once J'Daargo collected himself, looting what they thought was valuable.

Somehow, Tesla got charred skeever hide from the Skeevers, which sort of made sense, since he'd electrocuted them.

Still weird, though.

Next was Tesla's turn to laugh as J'Daargo got into a fist fight with a blind homeless man.

"Is it bad that the best fight I've been in since I've come to the frigid land has been a blind man who stuck of piss, booze, and shitty skooma?" J'Daargo asked after the man lay dead.

"I mean, you're like. Fucking huge and also probably had actual training in hand to hand, not to mention claws, so..." Tesla trailed off, motioning towards J'Daargo in general.

He laughed, almost knocking Tesla down as a massive paw patted him on the back.

"Well, either way, these should suit you more than me." J'Daargo offered, throwing the enchanted gloves at Tesla.

Tesla fumbled to catch them, the gloves disappearing into his inventory, where they'd stay until he decided to throw them on for a fist fight.

Afterwards, they went onward, killing and looting when needed, before they finally reached the door to the Ragged Flagon.

It was finally time to meet Brynjolf and the Thieves Guild.

Tesla hoped he’d make a decent thief.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy this garbage.  
> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN


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